Battle at Kruger

I'm guessing most of you have seen this. I saw it along time ago and then again last night. I just thing it is pretty bad ass for a baby buffalo to go through this and come out the other side. Plus a buffalo taking on lions, I'm telling you bad ass. There are no other words to explain it.

What a Christmas

That is Emma! She wants to be an Astronaut when she grows up. She tells me all the time that she will one day walk on Mars, but she wants me to go with her so she doesn't get scared. For Christmas this year she got the orange space suit, that is just like the real space suits. She also got this cool helmet. She pretty much wore this stuff all day. If some day she does become and astronaut this will be a great photo to have.

Then there is Maggie. She can't contain herself if there is music being played she has to dance. She can't walk yet, but she will stand up and dance without holding on to anything. This photo is funny because it looks like she is turning the amp up. She had a lot of fun dancing while they played music.

Silly Songs With Larry

Emma is watching a veggie tale I haven't seen before, Ballad of Little Joe. The silly song in it is pretty funny. I thought I would share it with you. Enjoy

Christmas Play

This was Emma's first year in the Christmas play. She was an angel as you can see. The little angels got to sing Away in a Manger. Emma was very excited about being an angel. She was telling everybody before the play that she was going to be The angel in the Christmas play. Last night after the play she told me she wanted to be Mary next year. I told her that she has to be a little older to be Mary, she wasn't very happy. So when we got home last night she made Andy and Maggie put on a play with her. Emma was Mary, and was Joseph, Maggie was a sheep, and a doll was Jesus. Maggie kept crawling into the box that was the manger. Andy asked Emma if Maggie could be baby Jesus. Emma said "No Dad she is a girl Jesus is a boy". By the end of the night Maggie was an Angel. When the play was over Emma told Andy that they should do it again, but he could be Mary this time.

I don't know about all of you, but my kids are very ready for Christmas. Emma can't wait to meet with all the family eat cookies and open gifts. Today we had a huge box come to our house. Emma had to know what was in the box so I opened it and there was two really big gift bags. One for Emma, one for Maggie. Emma started dancing around yelling can I open it, please, please. I thought to myself if they don't get to open these gifts I am not going to hear the end of it. I called Andy and he felt the same way I did, who cares it's one gift. Plus this way we don't have to take the gift with us and then bring it back again. Anyway as I hung up the phone Maggie was pulling paper out of her gift. I spent the next hour getting toys out of their packages, and try to keep the girls from exploding with excitement. I can't even imagine what Christmas day is going to be like. It should be fun.

August Rush

I saw this movie last friday. I just want to say it is beautiful. While the story would pretty much never happen, it is captivating. It is a complex and loving story, about a very hopeful little boy. A boy who has been gifted and uses that gift to find his parents. Like I said it is not the top grossing movie at the box office, but it is worth seeing. I had a long day on friday and this was the perfect end, very relaxing enjoyable movie. Hope you all get a chance to see it. A little tip I think it is best to go into this movie with your artistic mind turnned on. That is really what it is all about. It's not a great comedy or action movie, but very beautiful. Enjoy

Want to see an Elf

We made our two girls into elfs, it is pretty funny. Enjoy

http://www.elfyourself.com/?id=1378768822

Two people with one body

I feel like I am one body with two people living in it. They are both very strong willed, have strong opinions that are opposite each other. I spend most of my day in the middle of this very brutal boxing match, with no gloves. There is the one side who Loves the Lord and wants to serve Him with everything I have. I want to be the best Mom, wife, friend. I feel confident in who I am. I have goals and desires. I love food and working out. I love to have fun. The other person is defeated. Yells and gets angry about everything. Doesn't want to take the time to do anything good. I don't have motivation to do anything with the kids, to clean the house. (I love a clean house) I don't feel like putting the effort into doing fun things with my family. I don't read my Bible or put really any effort into my Bible Study. (Which I teach) I hate food it is my enemy. I hate my body, I hate myself. My brain tells me everyday how bad I am at everything. Thinking about food makes me want to throw up. I have muster up all the energy in my body to make myself eat, because the thought of not eating seems like the best way to like my body. I really can't believe I am writ ting this. It almost makes me want to throw up know people I love and people I don't even know can read this. I just feel like I can't live like this anymore. I feel like I am getting my ass kicked from the inside out. When the match is over I sit in the corner on my little stool and God asks "Are you done yet? I am here and I can end this, just ask." I can't make myself say a word. I can't even move, I am frozen in the midst of the pain and confusion. When I try to talk to people about this I feel dumb and the mean person tells me I am making it all up and nobody cares. I live on the edge of tears and most people I talk to in a day have no idea. Now I guess more people know. Part of me hates that, I just want to keep on living like things are okay. I know logically I can't do that, so here it is in black and white. If you read this thanks for listening. Please don't feel sorry for me that is not what I want. I just needed to get it out, because without doing that I can't move on. If you are a person who prays please pray. I could use some encouragement. I could also use a really good day. Thanks again Love to you all.

Disney's Enchanted

Last night I took Emma to see this movie. It was actually pretty good. Cute story, with fun music and dancing. The evil Queen got a little out of hand at the end and I thought Emma was going to have nightmares. She didn't, thankfully. She liked the movie and we had a good time together. I think we need to spend more time, just the two of us. Tonight she is going to Lily's for her first sleepover at a friends house. I hope she has fun, and I hope I don't have to go get her in the middle of the night. If you have kids who want to see this movie I would suggest you see it in the afternoon, so they don't have to go to bed right after the movie ends. Like I said the Queen is a little scary.This wasn't the movie I wanted to go see last night, but it was really pretty good, and cute. It was also good to be with Emma, she is getting big and I feel like I am going to miss out. That she is going to wake up and be a teenager. She already acts like a teenager. I am excited to see her grow up I just wish she wouldn't feel the need to act like a teenager already.

Update on what happened last night

I know you are all really excited to know but since I said I would let you know here it is. I ended up sitting around trying to get warm and it got later and later. Finally I decided to just stay home wrapped in a blanket and sitting over a heater. Today the girls and I went to the mall with my friend Jeni and her daughter Lily, Emma's best friend. Shopping with a 3 year old, 2 year old and a 10 month old. They did pretty good. Now Emma is at Lily's house, and Maggie is sleeping. I should be cleaning my house while I don't have people following me around getting it dirty. Instead I am on the Internet. Now I feel a little guilty, and I really should get something done. By the way it is still cold!!!! I will let you know if I see the movie.

Burrrrrrrr!

I just want to let you all know it is cold. Last night we got about 3 inches of snow. I went to bed and we had under an inch and when I woke up we had 3 or more. On top of that I don't think it got above freezing all day. I am not really complaining because I like the snow. But I haven't been warm all day, that I don't like. I guess I can't have one without the other. Really the cold doesn't bother me that much, but today it did. Anyway I don't know why I shared that, but I am sitting here in my house cold and I thought I would share. I have had a long day and I am thinking about going to the movie August Rush. To do that I would have to go out side and be more cold again, and the movie theater is always cold. I think I might suck it up and go, but a Warm shower and going to bed sounds good too. I'll let you know what I decide, stay warm.

I'm Feeling Like No Words Can Explain

I am in on of those moods, when you just can't come up with a word to describe how you feel. For some reason I am feeling angry and I have been since I got up. I can't exactly why, but I just feel pissy. I have been really busy all day and now it is slowing down and I just feel like being alone. The thing is that isn't going to happen. Maggie screamed all afternoon, because she was tired, but wouldn't nap. Finally she is napping. Which I am sure will screw up her sleeping tonight. Emma has been very sassy and whinny lately, and today is no different. I kind of just want it to be Christmas, so all of this stuff I am busy doing will be done. Also Emma will be a little less crazy once Christmas is here. Plus I love Christmas! I have all these "little" things I want to do, but I am too bust doing other things. I feel tired, because I always feel tired. I feel upset and frustrated, because I friend, an old youth group kid, is going through something really crappy. I wish I could help him, but I can't I just need to keep my mouth shut, that is not easy. I am really struggling with my image problem, and I have a bunch of people telling me I need to talk to this girl, who is another old youth grouper. They think she has an eating disorder. I have tried to support her because she has been stressed, but I think they may be right. I just don't think I am the right person to talk to her, I don't want to be a hypocrite. Overall I am feeling like my best friend was here so we could hang out talk, laugh, have a drink, just be myself and not have to explain. I miss you.

Parent Teacher Conference

That's right I had my first parent teacher conference yesterday. It is hard to believe, Emma is growing up fast. A little side note. . . I took Emma to the doctor the other day and she is over 40 inches tall. I swear this summer she was only 36 or 37 inches. She is growing really fast. Anyway I went to the conference yesterday. I was pretty sure it was going to be all good news, but Emma has a bit of an attitude, so you never know. Well from what the teachers tell me she is great at school. She doesn't loose her temper like she does at home, and she isn't mean to people at school either. They said she is very compassionate to other kids, ask other kids to play, and doesn't get upset when things go her way. They even said when she gets upset she just tells them that she is mad, angry or sad, without freaking out. She verbalizes her feelings at home, but there is usually a lot of emotion behind it. Anyway they also told me that she is doing great in all areas and I have nothing to worry about. One of the teachers told me something that is one of the best comments ever, even though it was about Emma, or Emmy as they call her at school. She said she wished she could be around as Emmy grows up because she thinks she is going to be an amazing person. My Mom watched the girls and when I got home I told her about what they had told me. Then I told my Mom that Maggie is going to be my trouble maker and I don't want to think about going to school for her. I have a feeling she is going to be a bit of a class clown, she already loves to make people laugh. Anyway I just thought I would share my first experience at a parent teacher conference because it was good and I feel like I am always complaining about things that have happened during the day.

Nooma- Rhythm

This is just a clip of this video, but the whole video is very cool. I can't find it unless I buy it on DVD. Anyway I thought I would share it no matter how short it is. Very cool concept. The song is good too. I hope you enjoy.

Slackline Tricks

This is basic slackline tricks. I am not this good, all I can do is walk forward. But if you think this is cool or looks like fun check out these other slackline videos.

Amazing Slackline 3000ft high!

Crazy!!!!

Andy Lewis Squirrel Backflip

That is freakin' cool. I wish I could do that. I would say someday, but I'm guessing it won't happen even in my dreams.

Japanese Game Show

I saw a clip of this game show this morning and I have been laughing all day. I had to find it in U Tube so I could share it with you. You have to watch the whole video because it gets more funny the longer you watch. This would be a great youth group game. Hope this makes you laugh.

Feel like Juggling

Like I have said in past post, life is really busy right now. I feel like someone just handed me six things to juggle. I know I can do it, but I am just standing here looking at the six items trying to figure out how it is going to work. I am tired physically and spiritually. I feel a lot like I look in this photo from Thanksgiving. Like I need to lie down, but when I do someone is going to jump on me.

I know I am going to drop one of these items and none of them are small items. On top of all of the things to do I am nervous and stressed because it is my turn to teach Ladies Bible study the next three weeks. That in itself is enough to make me throw up, but I am really nervous because I can't even think straight enough to make a to do list or figure out my calendar. Now Maggie is not sleeping more than a half hour at a time and I feel like screaming. I am at this strange time in my life when I am excited and happy about things, but I also hate those same things. I want to crawl in a hole and cry and I want to conquer the world. I am torn and stressed. I am also currently trying to hold Mags and type, not so easy. My house is a mess from getting a tree and putting up Christmas decorations, I have a little girl to try and get back to bed and a few other things before I go to bed. I should go.

Thanksgiving

I can't believe that it is Thanksgiving. That means Christmas is just around the corner. I spent last night and this morning cleaning and cooking. We had 8 plus the two girls. We are done eating and I am feeling like I am just about done for the day. I am tired and and my back is sore. I had a good day and I love being around family, but I am done. I still have a sink full of dishes and the dishwasher is full. I really just want to go to a movie tonight, I'll have to see if I can talk Andy into that. I hope everybody had a great day. I am very Thankful for my family and my friends. I am thankful for my kids and how much fun they are That Emma is asking about Jesus and how he lives in our hearts. Thankful that I have a loving husband, who is understanding. I am thankful for text so I can talk to my best friend who is on the other side of the country. I am thankful I serve a God who loves me and wants the best for me, who won't walk away from me when I am being stubborn. Happy Thanks Giving!

A Day of Busy

Monday, the day that starts most peoples busy week. We go back to work after the weekend, kids go to school stay at home Moms' are left to take care of the kids, clean the house pay bills, make dinner and do a number of other things. This week was a little different because it is the Monday before Thanksgiving. At our house that means everything was pretty much the same, except there was no school and there was a meeting to plan for the Children's Christmas Play.
It also meant going to see my grandparents. It doesn't really sound like it, but it was a very busy day. I still have a few things I need to do before I go to bed, but I have sat down on the sofa, so that means I have to make myself get up. It is good however to be at this point of the night and know that I have marked some things off my to do list. One thing good about today is I didn't have to sit in a car for hours upon hours:)

First Snow

That's right today was the first snow. It started snowing around 11:30 am and now it is about 3:00pm and it is still slightly snowing. It is pretty wet snow, so not much has stuck to the ground, but Emma is still very excited. We didn't have snow boots, so we had to go get some today. When we got home she wanted to get all her snow gear on and go play outside. She had a lot of fun chasing S'more and throwing snowballs at Andy. S'more was freezing cold, but she loves eating snow. Maggie thought the snow was pretty funny, I think she will have a lot of fun when we have more snow. As I look outside now, you can barely see the snow falling from the sky.
There isn't much snow on the ground, but there doesn't need to be much snow for it to be fun when our are a kid. I guess needless to say it has been a pretty exciting day at our house. Well
I need to clean the house and wrap the Christmas gifts I bought yesterday. I need to wrap them and get them to my Grandmas house (where we are having Christmas). That way I don't have to hide them from Emma. Now Emma is running around the house in her swimming suit, you just never know what she will be wearing from minute to minute. Hope your you (and your kids) enjoy the snow this winter, if you get any.

Shopping Day

Tomorrow Mom and I are going to Spokane Wa to go shopping. We are going to try and beat the crowds and get our Christmas shopping done. Well as much done as we can. It will be nice to get out of town without kids. It will be good to hang out with Mom and be able to talk without Emma trying to be in the middle of every conversation. It will also be nice if we actually get Christmas shopping done, or almost done. I am not sure how excited I am about going because it is going to be a long day and I don't like Spokane very much, but oh well. I need to have a good out look. I just need to think about how nice it will be to get something big checked off my list of things to do, and to get away for the day. I'm feeling a little or a lot busy and like I have got a whole lot of nothing done this week. Anyway, I hope it is a good weekend.

Things are about to get a little crazy

Can you believe it is almost Thanksgiving? Less than a week now. We are going to have 8 adults and my kids at our house. It sounds a little crazy, but I love it. I love to make lots of food for people I love. Then in about 2 weeks we are having a formal Christmas party. I guess really a more accurate term is Jesus birthday party. Then on top of that I am thinking of taking on the children's Christmas program at church. The lady who use to do it moved and no one is stepping up. It use to be a very boring stressful thing for people, but I think it could be a lot of fun. I also think this is a time for the kids to shine. Plus Emma would be in it this year. I haven't told Andy yet he is going to think I am nuts. I might try to suck him in to play music. Then again that may add stress, because he is busy. I might just ask my friend Jodi, she is a music major I think she can handle it. I still have Ladies study to teach, Club 56 to teach and the Jail ministry. I think I am going to expand on the Club 56 (5th and 6th graders) program, and redecorate the room they meet in. I also have a lunch group that meets once a month. Plus taking care of my house and family. I am actually very excited I love to be busy have goals, things to plan and do. Emma has next week off school and then one more week before winter break, it would be nice if she was in school a little longer a little more time with only one kid at home would be helpful. I also have Parent teacher conference. The next month is going to be a Little crazy. I love this time of year though, that gives me what I need to pull together the energy to get it all done. I hope everybody is going to spend time with friends and family during the holiday season. Have fun and eat lots of good food.

Dinner for four plus kids

Tonight we had some friends over for dinner. They have two kids that are about the same age as our kids. It is very nice to have kids that can run around the house and all play together, not getting into too much trouble. It was great to have great fellowship with people who truly love the Lord, people you can trust. Tonight I showed that trust more than I had planned on. The only person I have vocally shared my struggle about image with is Andy, until tonight. I had not planned on it, but there we sat after dinner, and out it can. Crazy, but they were very helpful, supportive, great. They even stopped and prayed for me right there. Thanks Lord for great friends. Not just them, but all the amazing people you have put in my life. I would list them off, but it would be like someone thanking the people who helped them win the academy award. They would have to play the music to get me off the stage. Okay random.

It's never too late

Tonight we went out to Wendy's for dinner and we saw a man we know. He is an older gentlemen somewhere around 85-90. Before Andy and I got married I knew him and his wife and Andy and I ate over there once or twice right after we got married. Shortly after we moved to VA his wife passed away. It was very devastating to him. Not only was she his loving wife, and best friend she always took care of him. She was pretty healthy and then cancer struck and she passed away before him, he was left to fend for himself. For years he has been pretty sick and for a while we all thought it wouldn't be long before he went to be with his wife in heaven. Well like I said tonight we were at Wendy's, and he walks in with a mystery woman. We aren't sure that they are a couple but they were very friendly. If you didn't know either of them you would think they had been married for years. I am happy for him either way. If he has found a new companion in his life, way to go. If she is just a good friend, or relative he is still out enjoying life, looking good for a man his age. It just makes me think, so many young people worry about "getting thing done" at an early age, like they will run out of time. It just shows you it is never too late. God really does want us to be happy and He has a plan for us not just one plan that He sets up and when that comes to and end we just wait to die. He has a plan for us until the day we die. He has happiness, purpose, and a mission for us every day until there are no more days. That to me is a sure sign of a loving God who understands us, cares for us, loves to watch us grow and learn in every stage of life. It is a beautiful thing.

I shouldn't have such high expectations

I really shouldn't have had such high expectations. We went to the "cool" restaurant, and it wasn't as cool as we had thought. It looks pretty cool, and it had a huge wine list. That is about where it ended. There wasn't very many people there when we got there. When we walked in there were all these tables with leather chairs, and it looks all nice. They took us to the back and put us at a table with metal folding chairs. Not kidding, it was like sitting at the kids table at Thanksgiving. The food wasn't that great and the service was slow. At least the company was good. We did have a good time. I was looking forward to some good food, but at least we got to go out and have dinner without kids. I have kind of felt like I am in a funk all day and it is a little worse today. I think there are things that God wants me to deal with and I am just standing there staring at Him. I feel like I know the right thing to do, and I know I need them to do it, and I want to, but my feet won't move. I feel stuck. It is affecting my life in a negative way and something needs to be done, but I just can't move. I am not excited about anything, I don't really have an opinion about anything, which is unusual. I need a swift kick in the ass, and I don't know what that is going to look like. That can be a little scary, because God has some crazy ways to get a person motivated. That is what I need motivation.

Night Out

It is a wonderfully blustery fall day. I have the feeling we are getting closser to the first snow fall. I can't believe it is almost Thanksgiving. I love TG. Sorry this is all very random. Tonight we are going out with some friends, to this little resturant/wine shop. It is in a building that use to be a post office. It has leather sofas and it's kind of dark. Very "high end", well for this area any way. It should be fun. It will be fun to go out with a really fun couple and eat hopefully really good food and wine. I love hanging out with Huba and Jeni, they are very smart, fun, funny and they love the Lord. If you want to see the resturant check out the link. It is one of those places that would be fun to have an adult birthday party with a few couples in the room you can rent. You could get all dressed up eat food you have never had before drink good wine and act like you are more grown up than you really are. Anyway I am excited to go out tonight and I thought I would share with you all.
http://www.opowines.com/gallery.html

Office Night

I really don't have much to say. I just feel like I haven't written much in the last week. Well everything I have written is about my friend Larry. This last week has been very ordinary, busy, a little crazy, but nothing much to talk about. I know one thing I would love to have a girls night. Too bad that won't happen anytime soon. Even if it did, it wouldn't be the same without my best friend. I think I just need to let my hair down a little. I feel like I had a great weekend last weekend. Then this week comes along and I have gotten a little uptight. I just need to relax. That is much easier said then done. I was just thinking how back in the day on Thursday nights, I would gather with friends eat good food and watch, Seinfeld, Friends, and ER. Those were the days. At least tonight is The Office. Too bad I have to watch it alone, good thing I don't mind laugh out loud by myself. I have 15 minute and The Office will be on, yes. I know I am a nerd.

One last update

I just thought since their have been praying for Larry I would give you a final update. I got an email from Larry today. His surgery went well yesterday. He had two fractured vertebrae, and they used screws to hold them together. He is in a neck brace for 6+ months. After that time he should be pretty much back to normal. He is home tonight and feeling much better. Praise the Lord.

Praise the Lord, Larry is doing well

I just thought I would give an update now that Larry is out of surgery. Surgery went well, and Larry is doing well. He said he is amazed how much the pain has decreased since surgery. We are still not sure how long he will be in the hospital, or what life will be like in the future while he heals. Praise the Lord for the protection He has provided and that He is the great physician. Larry and his family want to say thank you to everyone who has been praying for them. I want to thank you as well.

My friend Larry is still in need of prayer

The update for Larry is actually pretty good. Apparently the doctor said he has never seen somebody break their neck in that spot and not be paralyzed or dead. Praise the Lord he is alive. I have heard he is in good spirits, but in pain. Tomorrow he will have surgery, where they will put a screw or pin in his neck. We are not sure at this point how long he will be in the hospital. The family seems to be doing pretty well. One of his sons is in Honduras and I am not sure if he is coming back or how he is doing. Thank you for your prayers.

A friend in need of prayer

A man named Larry is an elder at my church. Today the pastor his wife and about 20 other couples were at a marriage retreat. The pastors brother, Larry, was preaching. Apparently he had been fasting or something I am not sure. All I know is towards the end of his sermon he was stand on the stage behind a large wooden podium when he fainted. He pushed the podium over and down the stairs, ending on the floor. I guess he hit his neck on the edge of the stairs and landed on his head. He got up and walked out on his own. They took him to the ER, and found out he has broken his neck. They were taking him to the neurosurgeon, last I heard. Please pray for him and his family, and our church, we are a pretty close church family.

Great weekend!

Well it has been a few days since I have posted anything, that is because I have been out of town. Andy and I went on a marriage reteat with our church. It was in small logging town about two hours south of where we live in Idaho. The hotel is a new hotel and it's pretty nice. Our room was on the first floor, and when you went out on the patio you could throw rocks into the river. The weather was crisp and cool, but sunny. We got to meet new couples, and catch up with old friends. We went out and had a glass of wine with friends who have kids the age of our kids, it was nice to have quiet while we talked. We had lunch with dear friends, people we look up to, very good. We then set up a slackline (which is kind of like a tightrope)and had fun laughing at each other. That night we went out to dinner just the two of us, and then did some swing dancing. It was a lot of fun. The speaker and his wife were great, but most of all it was a nice weekend with my husband. It was needed, refreshing and fun. Now we are home and life is back to normal. Well as normal as our life gets, hopefully we can hold on to a bit of what we had there.

Halloween

Put your hands together for Hannah Montana, yes my 3 year old is HM.

Isn't she the cutest little skunk ever!

This is Emma and her best friend Lily who is George, and her dad Huba is the man in the yellow hat. What a fun guy. Andy went tricker treating with them, but he was not dressed up. I told him he should be Billy Ray Cyrus, but he didn't seem to love the idea.

While they were gone TT Mags found the candy we were handing out and dug right in. Thankfully there wasn't much of a sugar high. Well not for her Emma on the other hand was up until 10pm. I am glad Halloween is once a year.

I think what I hate more than the sugar high on Halloween is the asking for candy for the next week, until I have had enough and I throw it away. Then I am the bad guy for the next few days. We have some friends that have older kids. They decided that they would let their kids eat as much candy as they want on Halloween, but a midnight it was over and any candy that was left they got rid of. I love that, it would be one day of the circus from hell then it would be over. Maybe next year. Now we will hear about Christmas for two months. Actually I like that, I think it is very cute how excited she is about Christmas.

Before Sunrise My youngest daughter has decided the last few weeks that she needs to be up before the sun. Now I don't mind getting up early, in fact I can't sleep in past about 7am anymore. But getting up somewhere between 4:30am and 5:00am is a little much. Especially because everyone else is sleeping so I try to be quiet, so I get to sit, or play with a 9 month old. It is just too early for that. The kid is crazy, and I hope this ends or next week after the time change I will be up by 4:00am. I do have to say I am grateful she didn't wake up in the middle of the night, she was up around 11:45pm and then 5:00am. Happy sleeping to those who can sleep in, I miss those days, they were so long ago.

I have Cute Kids

I just wanted to say that I have cute kids. I am proud of them, and I love them very much. They are both very funny, full of energy, and very independent.

I Love Fall

It has been wonderful fall weather the last few weeks. The leaves have all changed and are falling off the trees. Dads are raking them into big piles and kids are jumping into them. The sun is shinning and the air has a cool bite to it. The moon has been big, bright and so close to the earth it looks like you could touch it. I would love to climb up there and listen to the quiet of the night. Tonight we gathered up the kids and the dog, put our coats on and went for a walk. It is still warm enough that your nose doesn't turn red when you have been outside. What I love about fall or autumn which ever you prefer, is the sign of change. It is a beautiful sign and symbol of change. The change of weather, seasons and soon the year. I think fall has struck me more this year than ever, because my life is in a season of change. Although I have always loved fall. God just gave us a short burst of rain. You could hear it consume the night and then before you know it the rain was gone. That in itself reminds me of how things consume my life and
I think it will never end, then before I know it, it's gone and I've moved on. Hopefully gaining knowledge from the trials in my life. Currently I feel like a huge storm has just moved through my life. Just a week ago there was rain so hard you couldn't stand outside with your eyes open. Wind strong enough to tear the roof off our hippie trailer. Lighting and thunder bright enough and loud enough to awaken and frighten the manliest of men. Now those things have moved just far enough to go outside and enjoy the rainbow, but you can still see and hear them in the distance. As I stand gazing at the rainbow, the sign of hope and love, I thank God for bringing me through it alive. I am also still amazed by what just happened, and am not yet ready to move on. To grow, change, fully learn from the past events. Oh, how I long to get over myself and focus on God, it is hard to not be selfish when you have spent months being completely self involved. Basically what I am saying through this cheesy very descriptive blog is I need a quick swift kick in the ass. How's that for wrapping it up in a nice pretty box and putting a bow on it. I am just in one of those moods when I want to say ass. I have to say that is my favorite "bad" word. Have a lovely night!

Just okay

The last few weeks I have felt like shit physically, mentally and spiritually. The last few days I have been just okay. I don't feel great, but I don't feel so shitty any more. Andy and I have a a few good talks and thing between us are getting better, but again not great. We are going to a marriage retreat this weekend. I am excited it should be fun, and I could use some fun. I really wish Hoo Ha was here, because I could really use hanging out with someone who just gets me. Someone I can just have fun with. I am pretty sure she could she could use that as well. So if anyone has a couple hundred dollars they would like to donate to a couple of fun loving ladies, we would be grateful.
It is hard to have things to talk about when things are just okay. I mean I can go on and on when I hate life or really pissed off. I can even do my share of rambling when I am excited, happy etc, but right now I feel like I have nothing to say. Which in turn makes me a little pissed. I am not sure why, but it makes me angry when I feel like life is so boring that I have nothing to say.
On extreme home makeover, which is on now, they are doing a green build. It is exciting to me. I would love to build a house that is green. For those of you who aren't hippies that means environmentally friendly not the color green. The house they built is supplying enough energy by the sun and wind that it is more than they can use at the house. The meter is running backwards. That makes me excited. I know I am a nerd, but I love the thought of that. Someday!!!!

Sitting here wasting time

I really need to get off my butt and clean my house, but I really don't want to. I had to go to the dentist this morning and get a filling. Now my face is numb. That is really no excuse for me sitting here. I just don't want to. Can I cry about it some more. Emma is running around like a crazy person driving me crazy. I think she is getting a cold and she feels the need to touch everything and put her mouth on everything. Anyway I have a day of cleaning ahead of me, and I am real excited!!!! As a side note my friend Mike went in yesterday to have test run on his back. He is a rock climber, and mnt biker and they think there is going to be nothing they can do for his back that he will be in pain the rest of his life. I haven't heard from him yet. Please pray God will heal him, and Mike can deal with this, he needs peace and patients. Thanks Get your mops ready it is time to clean.

I need prayer

This is a hard thing for me to write, but I think it will be good for me. This weekend Andy and I had a talk and I told him about the issues I have with body image. I think he has always thought I just wanted to loose weight since we had kids, and that I sometimes complained about my body because I am a girl. The truth is for as long as I can remember I have struggled with my body image. It has gotten worse since I have had kids. There is not a moment that goes by during the day that I don't think about my body and how much I hate it. By the grace of God I have not gone so far as to stop eating or to throwing up, in the past I have played my hand in pills. The thought of using these methods to try and "control" my body are tempting. The only thought that stops me is my kids. I grew up with a Mom who had an eating disorder, and it was scary and hard. I don't want to do that to my kids. I am now realizing that this problem affects so much of my life that is still going to affect them especially as they get older. I need help now. Telling Andy was hard and I think he didn't know how to deal with it. I kind of felt like a project and not a person, but I know he is just trying to help. I am not writing this to get sympathy, or to worry any one. I just think to say out loud and then to write it for anyone to read, makes it so I can't ignore it any more. All I ask is that you pray for me. Thanks

My Mom Rocks

I have the best Mom in the world. She is fun to hang out with. She is smart, pretty, a great grandma. She is always ready to help. She watches my kids all the time. She came over and did my dishes when I was sick. I love her tons. We have had are hard times and have gone through hard things together, but in the end we have a great relationship. I am very thankful for her, what a blessing. Thanks God! If you don't know my Mom you need to meet her, she is great. Thanks Mom for all that you do, I love you.

Soap box

I just have to say something because it makes me angry. I hate it when people are angry about something and they feel the need to yell at someone. They don't always care who it is they yell at and the never think about how they are making that person feel. I feel like I can say I hate this because I have done it myself. I have an anger problem, so I think I can take a step on my soap box. When you are about to yell at or chew someone out please stop yourself. When you are angry, mad pissed off you don't think you just spout. Well those people you are going off on have feelings, problems of their own and you never know how you are affecting them. So to close don't be a jack ass just because you are mad. It doesn't give you the right. Step off and chill out. That goes to many people out there including myself. Sorry!

Hoo Ha, You are wonderful, smart, beautiful, faithful, loving, and my best friend. Thank you

I'm pretty sure I puked my brains out

Yep that is what I said puked my brains out. Ever since I was sick I can't remember anything. Here are two examples of that. On wed I lead a ladies Bible study. All of the ladies take turns bringing a snack, I put together a sign up sheet and schedule. Well this last wed was my turn to bring snacks. You would think I would know that I wrote the schedule I have about 5 copies around my house and it is on my computer. But noooooo I was already late because Emma's school starts at the same time as Bible study. As I turned the corner to the church I realized I didn't have a snack and it was my turn so I had to turn around go to the store and didn't get to the study until 30 mins late. That is a lame story, but none the less lost my mind because of the puking. Second I have a million things to do tomorrow, and I just got an email to remind me that I have a lunch meting tomorrow. I know have no babysitter so I get to take my girls. I don't know if you can tell, but I am not real excited about it. So yeah I am pretty sure I puked my brains out. Something else that happened today my girls were crazy as always but it was like dare devil training today. I am surprised both girls are safe, unharmed and asleep in bed. At one point I thought Emma was going to launch Maggie across the room using her baby seat. Lots of Fun. Tomorrow I have Emma's best friend in the afternoon that is always a big barrel of surprises. They love each other but they fight like champs. I mean that too, last time they were together there was a ear biting. The office just started yeah I love thus nights.

How can I have nothing to say

I really want to have something funny or witty to say, but at this moment I can think of nothing. Tonight we were over at a friends house. We go there every wed night to pray together, and then we just hang out talk and drink coffee. Tonight we were talking about The Office. That show makes me laugh really hard. I love hanging out with them because Jeni is one of the smartest people I know and she is a prayer warrior, but man she is funny. Her husband Huba, he is very goofy, it would be hard to hang out with them and not have a good time. We were trying to plan a time for the four of us to go out to dinner and it is going to be 4 weeks until we can do it. When did I turn into that person. I hate being so scheduled that I can't just plan on dinner with friends for tomorrow night. I don't really know why I am writing this, but it just struck me. My cheek hurts I bit it three times at dinner. What is wrong with me. How in the world do you bite your cheek 3 times at dinner. Then even more random and dumb I am writ ting about it in a blog. I am pretty sure I have lost my mind. I don't think there is anything anyone can do to save me it is too late. People are just going to have to deal with the fact that Mel is even more nuts then she use to be. Oh well it doesn't bother me any. Okay I am rambling and I think I should stop myself before it is too late and I don't know. I know one thing I am done. I need to sleep, but first I have to get up and go to bed. Right now that task is just too hard. Hope you all have a little bit of crazy in your life.

My head hurts

I'm not one to complain all the time but I just have to say my head hurts. See nothing has helped for about nine days so I figure maybe if I say (type) it out loud it will go away. Now before anyone writes me a comment about how I should go to the Doctor, let me say one thing. In the last nine nights I have slept any where from 0 to 3 hours a night. My kids had the flu and then and know my youngest is teething. I think she is getting two or three teeth at a time, tons of fun for all. As a side note it has been beautiful fall weather here, and that makes me happy. I love fall, I love the leaves in their brilliant colors, I love the smell of crisp clean hair, and tonight the sound of a heavy rain falling on the roof. Okay my head still hurts so I am going to be done. Ya Done!

The power of sugar

I teach a Sunday school class for 5th and 6th graders it is called Club 56. The class actually has 5th, 6th and 7th graders in it. I usually bring a healthy snack and last month I told them I would bring a good snack, so today I brought donuts and milk. Eight kids polished off 2 boxes of donuts in about 5 minutes. I then proceeded to try and teach 3 chapters of Revelation. You can only image how that went. I have never seen sugar take affect so quickly and so strong. They were falling over backwards in their chairs, jumping up singing songs, doing stupid human tricks. Then about 5 of the 8 took their arms out of their sleeves crossed their arms and put them back into the wrong sleeves. Then they flapped their arms like they were birds. It was a zoo. I got through the three chapters, but I am pretty sure nobody got anything out of it. When church was over and they all went home I felt like I had been pulled behind a horse for and hour. It was the perfect end to a crazy and sleepless week. Hopefully next week with be a little less crazy.

I feel like I have hit my limit

Do you ever hit a point in life when you feel like you can't take anymore. Like no one ever listens, or really even notices. Like you are just spinning your wheels and going through life not doing anything well and really not having a good time. I am not trying to say I have the worst life ever and my life is no fun. I know that is not what it is about, and I do have fun once in a while. But I really feel like everything I do is mediocre and everyday is the same and if I went away it really wouldn't be a big deal. I am involved in three ministries at church none of which am I gifted at. I am not wanted in the area I am gifted. I feel like I am home with my kids 24/7 and I am not even doing a good job with them. My husband is always at work or at home working. When he gets a break he gets to leave town with his friends and go fishing. I am glad he gets to go and have fun, but I really just wonder when is it my turn. All of these unsupportive thoughts about my husband show me I'm not even a good wife. I feel like I am always tired, stressed, angry at something, and I never really feel good about myself. I think I could cry at just about any moment. I love being a Mom and a wife and being involved in the church but sometimes I wonder if I should have done something else in life. If there is another path that I would have succeeded at. I like to excel at things and right now I am not, am I just being selfish and whinny. I hate feeling this way, I know it is up to me to change things and I know that my relationship with God isn't in the best place. When I think about how my life is and how I feel about myself I don't think I have the strength to fix it. I know turning to God and relighting the fire is the answer to solve most of the problem, but lets be honest there are many other things that I need to do and get under control. I feel like even now I am rambling and not saying much. I think I just need to get this out. I haven't slept but a few hours this week and I am sure that is adding to the way I feel. Please pray that my heart doesn't explode from the stress, and anger. I need to deal with my anger, but that has always been a hard thing for me. If you read this thanks for listening, please don't worry I am sure it is not as bad as it sounds. Like I said I am a little on edge right now and very tired. I really just need a break.

Crappy Weekend!

I had a crappy weekend. Saturday morning I got up and went to the church to decorate for a wedding. I was there all morning, and then I ran sound for the wedding. Then I cleaned the church after the wedding. I missed Emma's 1st gymnastics class. Andy said she did a great job. The only time I came home during the morning or afternoon Maggie puked all over me. After the reception I came home to a very sick baby. Finally got her to sleep and Emma woke up not feeling well. I was up all night with her as she puked. Sunday we stayed home from church because Emma was still sick. Last night around 7pm we thought they were both getting better until once again Mags puked all over me. I was up all night last night with her. Finally today they are both (slowly) getting better. On top of all that Mags is getting her two front top teeth and is not happy. I am very tired and I need to clean the house, and do lots of laundry. Andy's friend is coming Wed. from VA. They will be gone all weekend fishing. Let me tell you I am ready for a vacation. Too bad I'm not going to get one.

A Lady Named Anna

And there was a prophetess, Anna the daughter of Phanuel, of the tribe of Asher. She was advanced in years and had lived with her husband seven years after her marriage, and then as a widow to the age of eighty-four. She never left the temple, serving night and day with fastings and prayers. At that very moment she came up and began giving thanks to God, and continued to speak of Him to all those who were looking for the redemption of Jerusalem. Luke 2:36-38
This takes place when Joseph and Mary take Jesus to the temple for the first time.
I have been studying the life of Jesus and I have read over these two verses many times but rarely spent much time or thought on them. When I read these verses today this woman Anna really stuck out. She has to be a woman saturated with Gods word and love. She longed for the Messiah and now after many years she gets to see him in a very unusual way. He is a infant small and helpless. Yet she did not over look or miss him. She praised God and then shared the good news. I pray to be more like Anna.

Should I really do this?

Years ago I was a wedding consultant, and over the past few weeks I have been consulting on two different weddings. It has been stressful at times, I've been tired, but I am always tired. One thing it has been is fulfilling. I love being a stay at home Mom, but at the same time it was great to be involved in something else. Right now I am thinking about starting my own event planning business and run it out of my home. I just don't want to jump in over my head, or be put in a position where, my kids don't get the attention they want or deserve. I want them to come first, but I really feel like this might be something God has for me. I just hope and pray that I really step out of the way and listen to what God has for me. I am just not sure.